Thursday, 30 April 2009

The Apprentice - Week 6

Another good episode of The Apprentice last night.
Noorul (the quiet Asian doctor) got fired and - although he probably shouldn't have gone last night - I'm a bit surprised that he lasted 6 weeks in the show.
As Nick (Sugar's sidekick) put it in the studio with Adrian Chiles later, Noorul is a very nice guy.... which is what ultimately led to his downfall. Probably too nice and definitely too quiet to have any chance of landing the job. Shy mice needn't apply to go onto this programme as sooner rather than later, Sir Alan will cotton onto the fact that they are flying under the radar. Noorul had already been warned by Sir Alan and his sidekicks so his days were kind of numbered. And I suppose that asking "Is it in foreign?" about a catalogue didn't exactly help him prolong his stay....

The episode couldn't have started better as far as I'm concerned as the two most despicable characters (Ben and Philip) were chosen as Project Managers. "Great - I thought - one of them is gonna get canned!!". And secretly I hoped that both would infuriate Sir Alan so much that both would get the chop on the same night. Little I knew that Ben's and Philip's deceitful tactics and blatant lies could fool Sugar once again.

As far as Ben is concerned, he didn't waste time to remind us that he bloody won a Sandhurst scholarship (although he never went). I honestly wish he had actually gone there: 1) so he wouldn't annoy me by being on TV; and 2) because I don't think they suffer fools gladly in the Army and therefore Ben would be bogwashed more times than Ian Beale did in Eastenders.

Here are my highlights of last night's episode:
1) "WHAAAAT??" - James' shocked reaction when Ben mentions him as one of the two teammates he'd like to bring back in the boardroom for the final three showdown. James' mood improved considerably seconds later when Ben (playing 'strategic' games) changed his mind and chose Debra instead.... only for poor James to be shot down in flames when Sugar implied that James had been picked as he was the village idiot!
2) PTN (ie. Philip) sitting very unfomfortably in a posh restaurant after leading his team to victory in last night's task. The guy wouldn't know style if it hit him in the face and it was glaring that PTN was like a fish out of water. He tried to sip a glass of expensive red wine like a connoisseur... however (unlike connoisseurs!!) he had nothing valuable or interesting to say about it. Just like good wines, antiques are another totally grey area for PTN as he failed to see any value in the £200-worth rug. Although I am not into antiques at all, I probably have more chances of appearing in this Sunday's Antique Roadshow than PTN.....

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Another one bites the dust

I read in the papers yesterday that a 15 year old boy was stabbed to death in South London on Monday night. He is the 7th teenager to die violently in London this year. Surprisingly enough (NOT), he died whilst being involved in a running battle between two rival gangs of hooded youths, respectively called O31 and ABM (All 'Bout Money). You must be kidding me!! And there was me thinking that these gangs tend to fight over which Shakespeare play they liked best!!
"Take that, you mug (stab stab stab).... and this is for Desdemona as well!!"
"Watch your mouth you p**fter (stab stab stab).... you know what you can do with your Midsummer Night's Dream, dontcha?!?"
"Fark off, you're all a bunch of Merchant (bankers) of Venice".... and so on. But I digress.

Predictably enough last night on TV, the TV crews interviewed a couple of people (neighbours... relatives.... friends.... it doesn't matter) and all you could hear was the usual litany spouted on these occasions - "He was such a good boy".... "he was very polite".... "he had a brilliant career in front of him". Sorry but that's all bollocks. If he was such a great teenager, he wouldn't have been roaming the streets of Lambeth at 8.30pm with a gang of knife-wielding, hooded scumbags, full stop.

I also hear that the police arrested 4 people, allegedly involved in the battle. ("Allegedly".... I sound like a bloody journalist now. These 4 scumbags are guilty as sin as far as I'm concerned).
Anyway these 4 people now risk being put behind bars for a considerable length of time, which I think is rather unfair. Unfair on the taxpayer I mean. Putting this pondlife behind bars won't do anyone any good because they certainly won't come out of it as better citizens. The only 'benefit' that they will get from a stint at Her Majesty's pleasure is a massively improved street cred. It's no secret that in their deranged world, an ASBO or a prison sentence is seen as a badge of honour.
So what shall we do with them then? What punishment should we impose on these people? Here are some humble suggestions:

1) A lifelong ban from TK-Maxx and Primark. They will be forced to buy decent clothes in decent shops.
2) Their MP3 players / iPods / 3G phones will have earplugs superglued to them. Therefore if they want to listen to their sublime music of choice, they will have exclusive access to it and everyone else (particularly fellow commuters) will be green with envy as they can't hear it. I haven't finished with their MP3 players / iPods / 3G phones - more about them later.
3) A limit on the size of their baseball cap visor. Some visors I have seen in the streets are as big as Wimbledon's Centre Court, including the flipping Royal Box, so a limit is absolutely necessary. No more than 15 square inches per visor I say.
4) They won't be allowed to wear their trousers any lower than the middle point of their thighs. This is quite harsh and will require a radical change in their dressing habits but as they say 'no pain, no gain'.
5) Repeat the following 100 times a day "I am.... you are....he/she/it is" - none of this "Is it because I is black / white / pink with green dots (delete where applicable)" nonsense. Ali G overdid it, it's not funny anymore.

Should these scumbags breach any of the covenants above, their MP3 players / iPods / 3G phones will be temporarily confiscated and their music of choice will be replaced by a special compilation, including among others Rhydian, Ray Quinn and Lionel Ritchie.
Should they persist in breaching said covenants, they will be forced to follow any of these crooners on their world tour, attending every single concert. Now that is bad enough to make you stab yourself, isn't it?

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

Darling, what have you done??

First of all, let me say that I don't earn £150k per year. Nowhere near it, as it happens. I never did and I never will. And even if I did.... I would be on a Thai beach with a cold coconut in my hands rather than here, talking rubbish 24/7.
Therefore the recent introduction of the 50% tax rate on personal earnngs above £150k doesn't even remotely hit me in the pocket.... but it still stinks big time.
It is probably one of the worst (political) statements that that buffoon Darling (only a clown could have grey hair and black eyebrows) could ever make - it stinks of Old Labour, plain and simple.

This 50% tax rate may win Labour a few votes on the far left but it will lose them many more votes across the entire political spectrum. I am positively sure that only a tiny, tiny minority of the people earning over 150k are to blame for the mess that we are in. So why do we want to make them pay even more taxes? If this is Labour's main tool to plug the hole in the public finances then The Deadly Duo (Darling & Brown) are even more detached from reality than I thought. This tax hike will drive more people to a) move abroad if they can; or b) employ a cunning accountant to find some tax-efficient loopholes and avoid paying taxes altogether. And even if all the people earning over 150k were to stay in the UK and pay their taxes, I very much doubt that the money raised in this way would make a significant impact.

So what was Darling's goal in this Budget? Plugging the hole or punishing the rich for the sake of it?? If it was the former - but I have some grave doubts about it - then why didn't he make some serious plans about restructuring Northern Rock and all the other financial institutions that they nationalised and make them profitable, or even VERY profitable (if that doesn't cause any offence to the lefties in his party)? Rather than flogging them at a loss to your chums like Richard Branson, make these banks earn their profits so that they can pay healthy dividends to the main (or sole) shareholder, ie. the Treasury. In this way you can raise much more money, without alienating honest taxpayers.
If it was the former, then I have some news for you Darling. Enjoy the limelight that this Budget has brought to you bacause you will not be in the same position again for a long, long time.

Friday, 24 April 2009

Alitalia

In all these years of going back and forth between London and Rome, I have almost always flown Alitalia. Rather than a matter of patrotism, I used to 'fly the flag' as they are/were always cheaper than British Airways. So over this time I think that I kind of got used to their average (at best) service, consisting of frequent delays, the more than occasional cancellations, the general absence of anything resembling that abstract concept called 'customer care'. Hopefully Alitalia will excuse me for using their name in the same paragraph as these two dreaded words, I didn't mean to cause any confusion.

After Alitalia's change of ownership in late 2008 - Air France-KLM now owns 25%, with the rest held by a group of 25 Italian investors called Italian Air Company - I was not very hopeful with regard the general improvement of the service, which in all fairness was only marginally better than Easyjet's, just to mention one name.

Now, almost 6 months after the takeover, I am 100% sure that my pessimism was entirely justified. The new Alitalia's penny-pinching is frankly rather appalling.
Here are a few examples: 1) they have totally changed the rules of their frequent flyer scheme ('Millemiglia'), whereby now you accrue much fewer airmiles (per journey) than before; this obviously means that fewer and fewer passengers may have access to Alitalia airport lounges and other so-called benefits; 2) on short-haul flights, the meal is now a distant memory; some passengers even swear that it never existed. Now it is a snack consisting of either a packet of 4 miniscule biscuits or a packet of peanuts. Needless to say, you can't have both (don't be greedy!!!). And don't have the audacity of ask for more than one drink, if you don't want to be the first person to experience that looks CAN actually kill.

These are only some of the grievances that Alitalia's passengers now have to put up with, as the old problems (poor time-keeping etc...) are still there, just like an old mantlepiece that no-one likes but has been there for so long that it would be a shame to get rid of. Alitalia employees have little reason to cheer either as the new management's not-so-hidden motto during the takeover negotiations was "we only want the best employees at the lowest cost".
Hhhhhhmmmm...... in this case, my new approach is going to be "I only want the best airline at the lowest price" - something tells me that Alitalia is going to lose my custom on both counts.

Thursday, 23 April 2009

The Apprentice - Week 5

Great episode of The Apprentice last night - if you missed it, then you should try and watch it on the ITV website.
I felt a bit sorry for Kimberly when the got the sack from Sir Alan. Ok, I hear you, she was the team leader so ultimately the buck stops with her.
However it still puzzles me how Philip The Northerner could avoid the chop, when he was clearly the main responsible for one of the most inept team projects in the history of The Apprentice.
The whole Pantsman idea was (in the words of Sir Alan) total garbage and I couldn't agree more. The cereal box that Ignite (Kimberly's and PTN's team) created looked like it had been designed by a 4-year old or, even worse, me.
Also what on earth possessed PTN to be the 'voice' for their commercial's not-so-catchy tune? He is so tone-deaf that watching him sing made me cringe. I could have done better, honestly I could. And I am no Andrea Bocelli, mind you. although I'm working hard on matching his size.
Just when I thought that I couldn't dislike PTN more, even if I tried, I found out that he is an estate agent from Durham. I would have thrown the remote in anger at the TV if I hadn't quickly realised that fate dealt him quite a few dodgy cards in his life already and you don't kick a man when he's down. Although I could consider making a special exception for PTN if I hear him say again "Business is the new rock 'n' roll and I'm Elvis Presley". You know what I mean?? What a five-knuckle shuffler. He's definitely taken on the mantle of most hated character in this year's series. Yes, PTN managed to even surpass Ben (the brace-wearing twat) in my hate books, which is no mean feat.
And last but not least..... I also hate PTN for seemingly getting cosy with the only decent bit of skirt left in the competition, ie. last night's Empire team leader Kate. Has she heard him speak?!? Or sing?!?!? What's she doing???!! STOP!!!!
The only thing I'll say about Empire's project last night (apart from 'well done', they were worthy winners by about 100 country miles) is that their effort could have been severaly jeopardised by their picking a child actor with a nut allergy as their advert's front man. This cunning assassination attempt would have made great TV, make no mistake. Sadly they opted to change the script and therefore the edited commercial showed this child joyously throwing his cereal up in the air (rather gulping it down with gusto), which incidentally is the same reaction that I have when I'm presented with a cucumber sandwich.... but that's another story.

Wednesday, 22 April 2009

Buenos Aires

Despite being in South America, this city has a very European feel. The people, the architecture, the general atmosphere.... you definitely could be forgiven if you thought that you were in Spain. Buenos Aires is also one of the very few cities in Latin America with a reliable metro system. Pickpockets operating on it are all part of the service of course, although the best ones are like Argentina's most talented young footballers - they up sticks and move to Europe where they can make more money.
Argentina is still suffering from the economic crisis that affected it a few years ago. The effect of said crisis can still be seen in some shops - you can buy a shirt.... and pay in instalments (no... really). Also you can find many agencies in the high street, whose services consist of finding you an Italian or Spanish ancestor, thereby making you eligible for an EU passport. That is if you can stand the trauma of being officially (partly) Spanish for the rest of your life.

Things to see, people to do:
Plaza de Mayo:
in this nice square you can find the Casa Rosada (Pink House), which is the Presidential Palace, although the President does not actually live here. It's quite a remarkable building with the famous balconies where Evita Peron made her appearances whilst her husband Juan used to bore the tits of out their compatriots with his speeches. Some people say that the building's distinctive pink colour comes from a mixture of bovine blood and grease, which was used at the time to make the building waterproof. Why they didn't serve it to local drunkards instead (mixed with their doner kebabs) on a Friday night like they do over here is beyond me. This square was also made famous by those Argentine women who continue their fight on behalf of their children – los Desparecidos – who disappeared during the years of the Generals' dictatorship.

La Recoleta: it's a rather elegant suburb, just north of the central area of BA. Large avenues, nice boutiques and restaurants, cafes, nightclubs etc... can all be found in this area. Incidentally there is also a cemetery, which happens to be the final resting place of Evita Peron of all people. Ok, a cemetery may not be everyone's idea of a tourist attraction but .... different strokes for different folks, innit.

Calle Florida: pedestrianised street, right in the centre of BA. If you're into shopping, that's your natural destination, particularly for clothing.

Football: no offence to all the other football fans but Boca Juniors and River Plate are the biggest clubs in the capital. Their grounds have seen better days but a visit to them (possibly on match day) is a must. The atmosphere is one of the best that you'll ever experience at a football match. The Boca ground (La Bombonera) is situated in a rather rundown area in the south part of the city, whilst El Monumental (home of River Plate) is located in a residential, middle class suburb north of the city.

Filling your gullet:
Puerto Madero:
it is a rather new spot in BA. In the years gone by, this area consisted of a few abandoned docks and derelict warehouses. Then in the 90s they were redeveloped and made into offices, bars, restaurants and apartments. In other words, it's a poor man's Canary Wharf.... but very, very nice indeed.
There are lots of excellent restaurants. At the time of our visit, you could have a two-course meal (including wine) for less than ten squid. Bargain. And the main course used to consist of probably the best steak that you can have on this planet.

Empanadas:
'Empanada' literally means 'breaded', as in breaded chicken or vegetables. Effectively it's a semi-circular pastry, stuffed with a filling of choice, which could be cheese, vegetable or different types of meat. Empanadas are a snack that can be found in dedicated shops (Empanaderias) or on road stalls. Very yummy indeed.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

Rosella Vattene

Vattene perche' e' ormai evidente che sei arrivata alla frutta finanziariamente. Nelle ultime due stagioni hai dovuto vendere un giocatore importante a stagione (prima Chivu, poi Mancini) per pareggiare i conti. Quest'anno - visto che probabilmente non ci qualificheremo per la Champions League - gia' hai cominciato a far circolare l'idea di un ridimensionamento. Visto che sei buona solo a spendere i proventi che ti arrivano dalla CL e non a metterci soldi di tasca tua, a questo punto il presidente posso farlo pure io, no?

Vattene perche' - vada come vada - tu ti porti a casa uno stipendietto annuo di 2 milioni di euro. Se i giocatori hanno uno stipendio base incrementato con premi a salire in base al rendimento, perche' non applichiamo lo stesso principio pure alla tua di remunerazione? Non sarebbe piu' giusto pagare anche te in base al raggiungimento dei risultati sul campo?

Vattene perche' sarai pure vice-presidente della Lega Calcio ma alla fine conti come il due di denari quando regna bastoni. Ci derubano a San Siro.... e tu stai zitta. Danno addosso a De Rossi perche' ha il coraggio di dire quello che tutti pensiamo..... e tu te la prendi con De Rossi invece di dare addosso ai ladri. Ma che presidente sei? E sopratutto... ma che romanista sei??

Vattene perche' con la risorsa di pubblico che abbiamo (potenzialmente siamo il quarto o quinto pubblico piu' numeroso in Italia), potremmo spaccare il mondo, o quasi. E invece non riusciamo piu' a riempire lo stadio neanche se diamo i biglietti gratis ai ragazzini delle scuole. Ormai molta gente va allo stadio solo per abitudine, non perche' e' infuocata dalla passione. E se non riesci a vedere la differenza tra le due cose, allora forse non saresti mai dovuta diventare presidente.

Vattene perche' abbiamo uno dei siti Internet piu' ridicoli del mondo del calcio. Non fornisce alcuna informazione utile e non e' quasi mai aggiornato. Ma che te lo devo spiegare io che un sito realizzato a dovere e puntualmente aggiornato puo' in teoria portarti piu' introiti?

Vattene perche' quando spunta fuori un pollo (Soros) che ti dava una barca di soldi per il pacchetto di maggioranza, tiri fuori la storia di un fantomatico gruppo arabo che offriva di piu', col risultato che il pollo se ne va e tu rimani col cerino acceso in mano, visto che il gruppo arabo esisteva solo nella tua fantasia. Anzi, mi correggo, col cerino acceso ci restiamo noi tifosi, tu ti porti comunque a casa 2 milioni di euro all'anno, sai quanto te ne puo' fregare. E se le cose non stanno cosi', diccelo apertamente come andarono, visto che all'assemblea degli azionisti non era ammesso parlare di Soros. Perche'? Avevi forse paura di qualcosa?

Vattene perche' - invece che dedicarti a fare una Roma piu' forte e a far riappassionare il pubblico - preferisci impegnare le tue risorse per rabbonire la stampa romana. Ormai ben pochi (tra i piu' seguiti) hanno il coraggio o la forza editoriale di criticarti sui giornali o per radio per timore delle tue rappresaglie.

Vattene perche' pensi che tutta la tifoseria sia come qualche gruppo (che si definisce ultras) che lo puoi comprare per un piatto di lenticchie. Impara che non potrai mai comprare tutti gli ultras, ne' con un piatto di lenticchie, ne' con un bel mazzo di biglietti per le trasferte a Londra, ne' con la promessa della gestione dei parcheggi nel nuovo stadio.

E infine vattene perche' non dici mai, MA PROPRIO MAI, niente di romanista.

Monday, 20 April 2009

Let's dance!


Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa' darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Hey Macarena AAAHHAAAA!!!

See ya at Wembley, Red Nose (NOT!)

Sunday, 19 April 2009

Barcelona

If you haven’t been to Barcelona yet.... you haven’t really lived. It’s a beautiful, cosmopolitan place. For me Barcelona is a great mix of Spanish atmosphere with an international feel. The majority of locals don’t like to be called Spanish, they think they are Catalans. Well, until they can produce a Catalan passport, they’re Spanish to me, there you go.

Things to see, people to do:
Las Ramblas: probably the most famous road in Barcelona. Goes all the way from Plaza de Catalunya at the top to the seafront at the bottom. It’s a beautiful boulevard lined with trees, which is almost 2km long and is dotted with hotels, cafes, restaurants, news stands. Watch your wallet as there are a few pickpockets. The area near the seafront can be a bit dodgy at night.

La Sagrada Familia: when a building is still under construction, people say “It’ll be nice when it’s finished”. This saying doesn’t apply to la Sagrada Familia as it’s already very nice although it’s not finished yet (the interior is still under construction). The main attraction is to climb up to the top of the building with stunning views of the city.

The Olympic port: I understand that this area was totally re-developed for the Olympic Games in 1992... and what a fine job they have done. This port area is full with shops, restaurants and bars. Most of them have tables outside so make sure to get a table al fresco if the sun is half-shining.

Filling your gullet:
La Boqueria market:
If you walk down Las Ramblas, you’ll find this market half way down on the right hand side. You’ll find lots of stands, selling a wide variety of hams and salamis, nuts, fruits, vegetables. Lots of locals shop here which is always a good sign. The market is in a big hall, and is open from Monday to Saturday – I don’t care at what time it opens as I’ll never be there at that ungodly hour, anyway it shuts at 8pm.

La Oveja Negra:
This sangria bar is in a little alley on the right hand side of Las Ramblas, less than 5 min. walk from Plaza de Catalunya. Don’t go there if you want a bit of peace and quiet as it’s mostly frequented by students (and pesky tourists). They serve jugs of great sangria at a ridiculously low price (hence all the students).

Tapas bars:
Needless to say, the city is peppered with tapas bars. I have found a few good ones, with plenty of atmosphere and great food in the Barri Gotico (left of Las Ramblas if you walk down towards the seafront). If I have to mention one bar in particular, I’d recommend Cal Pep (Plaza de les Olles 8). It’s probably a bit on the pricey side but their food is gorgeous. The place is very small and gets very busy, bordering on the chaotic so how they remember what everyone ordered is a mystery.

Friday, 17 April 2009

iPhone applications - help required please

Dunno if anyone can provide some help / advice here...
I am trying to look for some nice iPhone applications to download – to be honest with you, I don’t even know what I’m looking for exactly! Looking for apps directly on the iPhone is fine... as long as you know the name of the application that you are looking for. I’d like to be able to browse among the several apps, read something about it and (once I know the price) possibly install it. Nothing too fancy, you see? :-)
As I don’t know (the name of) what I’m looking for, I did a quick Google search and found this website (http://iphoneapplicationlist.com) . It’s a good website as it lists apps by category etc... and gives a decent review of each application. It may well be that today I am thicker than usual but the main downside is that said website doesn’t state if any application is free or not. Which is a bit of a problem in recessionary times (or if you’re a tightwad like moi).
Does anyone know how to overcome this little problem?
Other useful websites?
Answers to the usual address, grazie!

Istanbul

Definitely worth a long weekend there. This city has many centuries of history so there are loads of nice things to see. Unless you are going in the summer, don't make the same mistake that I did - bring a jumper or two as it can get very, very cold. The first time I went to Istanbul it was in December and I freezed my miniscule nuts off. We flew Turkish Airlines to Istanbul's main airport ('Ataturk'). This airline used to have a terrible safety record in the past, however recently has come on in leaps and bounds (in some cases, quite literally). I don't think that 'customer service' translates very well in Turkish so let's just say that they are not on my Christmas card list.

Things to see, people to do:
Hagia Sophia (Ayasofya): first it was a cathedral, then they turned it into a mosque, now - in a superb effort to please everyone - is a museum. Absolutely stunning inside, definitely worth a visit.
The Blue Mosque (Sultanhamet): it's in the same square as Hagia Sophia so you can't really miss it. The (six) minarets and the courtyards make it impressive from the outside - the tiles and the chandeliers make it stunning inside. The muezzin calling the faithful to prayer kind of spoils it for everyone as the first call is at 5 o' flippin clock in the morning. Totally uncalled for, particularly if your hotel is nearby. Oobviously, ours was.
Bosphorus Strait: some people call it a river but it just isn't. It's a stretch of water, connecting the Black Sea with the Sea of Marmara, separating Asia and Europe. Go to the ferry terminal in Eminonu and buy a ticket to one of the terminals on the Asian side. Whoever said that it's all about the journey, not the destination... I dunno if he sailed off from Eminonu but I'm pretty damn sure that he ended up on the Asian side. Particularly recommended on a sunny day.
The Grand Bazaar: one of the largest covered markets in the world - hundreds and hundreds of small shops, selling pretty much everything you can imagine.
The Spice Bazaar / Egyptian market: it's just opposite the ferry terminal in Eminonu. Much smaller than the Grand Bazaar, the Spice Bazaar is the place to go for every kind of culinary delight.

Filling your gullet:
You cannot go to Istanbul and not try some of their flavoured tea. Cinnamon, apple, mint..... the choice is endless. Personally I loved the cinnamon and and the mint varieties. On the other side, one of the conditions for allowing Turkey into the EU should be the immediate ban of Turkish coffee. It's not as bad as the espresso that I make every weekend at home but at least you'll never find sand in my coffee. A truly horrible experience.
Another must-have in Istanbul is baklava. There are shops selling just different varieties of this sweet delicacy (and who can blame them?). We tried the original variety, as well as the chocolate and the walnut one. All of them were excellent, however probably the chocolate baklava got the edge in the end. We brought a box of 20-odd baklavas back home and these little gems were still good almost one week later. We got them at Baklavaci SAID, Hudaverdigar Cad. No. 64, Sirkeci, Istanbul (less than 10 min. walk from the Eminomu ferry terminal).

Thursday, 16 April 2009

Il Divo

Last night I went to watch this Italian movie in the West End. It covers the career of seven-time Italian Prime Minister Giulio Andreotti. For all those who never heard of him (lucky you), Andreotti would make Machiavelli pale in comparison. Margaret Thatcher - probably seeking to win the 'Understatement Of The Year' Award - once described him as 'a man totally devoid of any principle'.

The cinema was quite packed, mostly by English viewers and I have to feel sorry for them as they probably felt inundated by too many names, most of which are familiar only to Italians.

Andreotti -- currently sitting as a life senator -- and his Christian Democrat party virtually ruled Italy as a one-party system for 44 years, until the "Tangentopoli" (Bribesville) scandal finally put an end to this party.

Since the early 1990s, Andreotti has been implicated in a wide variety of illegal activities, including Mafia connections, but somehow (?!?!?!) has managed to be acquitted of all charges.

If you're thinking of going to watch it, I'd recommend that you quickly brush up on Italy's recent history (say, the last 20 years), or else you may lose the plot far too many times.

Apart from the movie in itself, I really liked the fact that most actors had more than a passing resemblance to the real-life characters that they impersonated, particularly Andreotti himself as well as top Mafia bloke Toto' Riina.

Wednesday, 15 April 2009

I truly despair

Confession time: I do occasionally shop in Lidl. I think it's great for food, for our guinea pigs that is. On top of that, I can also find the occasional treat (suitable for human consumption) there like German rye bread (yummy) or feta-stuffed peppers (very yummy). There you go I said it. However I try to bring a Waitrose bag from home and put my Lidl shopping in there. Don't laugh, I'm sure you all do the same.

Anyway I paid a visit to my local Lidl last night. As I was leaving the store, I could see a group (?) of four teenagers (??), two boys and two girls, looking at me. I used all these question marks because a) probably the word 'gang' would be more suitable than 'group', and b) some of the members of this 'grang' were not old enough to be teenagers. Anyway I could see the girls - both of them sporting the infamous 'Croydon facelift' hairstyle - prod one of the boys. Seconds later, as said boy took a few steps to approach me, I quickly reached for the contents of my Waitrose bag and picked the newly-purchased cucumber as my potential self-defense weapon of choice.

Just before I had to extract my lethal weapon (it's the cucumber, no sniggering at the back) and bash this 'babychav' over his head, he asked me the following question 'Excuse me mate, if we give you the money, would you buy us a bottle of vodka?'. I don't know what shocked me most. Was it the cheeky request? Or was it the fact that he called me 'mate'? Before I digress on this, let me tell you that, if he had asked me if the two of us could possibly engage in some sort of sexual intercourse in the nearby public toilets, I would have been slightly less shocked. Hence my reply was a loud and resounding 'Nooooo!!!' - my face probably couldn't show all my contempt but there you go, I know I'm not perfect.

Anyway I truly dispair when a 'grang' of four adolescents can't find a better way to spend their evening than downing a bottle of cheap vodka. There is a reason why it is unlawful to sell alcohol to minors and I can definitely see why. Do we want to see adolescents roam free whilst pissed out of their heads?? They already do that,all over the country, I hear you say, but I don't want to be 'accessory' to that, thank you very much! Secondly, why are you calling me 'mate'? I have never met you before and I am much older than you, in fact I'm probably older than your own dad as well. Which makes me wonder what sort of dad he is, if you're resorting to ask total strangers to buy vodka for you. You know what? It's ok, you can call me 'mate' - rather that than 'dad'.

Tuesday, 14 April 2009

Champions League preview

Chelsea v Liverpool
As much as the neutral spectators would love to see Liverpool score a couple of goals in the first 30 minutes and re-open to tie to any possible outcome, I think that they will be disappointed. The Scousers may have (a half-fit) Gerrard in their starting eleven and they may still claim that they fancy their chances.... however I personally think that this tie is as closed as a Spanish shop on Christmas Day. Chelsea may be without Terry but won't concede many chances to Liverpool and can pose a serious threat up front with a fit-again Drogba.
Prediction: 1-1

Bayern v Barcelona
I'm quite surprised that Barcelona haven't sent the youth team to Munich for this match, rather than their first team. After the 4-0 drubbing in the first leg, Klinsmann sounds quite resigned and said that they'll just go out to play with pride and character. Guardiola sounds rather cautious (and rightly so) but deep down he must know that the job is done. I'm probably going to watch the first 20 minutes of this match as Bayern will throw caution to the wind, trying to score a couple of goals early on and unsettle Barca. Dream on, Jurgen, it's aufwiedersehen for you.
Prediction: 2-1

Monday, 13 April 2009

Jeremy Kyle vs. Pondlife

Today I had the misfortune of watching Jeremy Kyle – you have to love daytime TV!
I used the term ‘misfortune’ because it just brings home a part of British society that I’d rather see swallowed up whole by the North Sea. On the other side I cannot fail to ‘admire’ Jeremy Kyle for putting up with this pondlife in his role of Master Chavbaiter.

It always intrigues me to think what possessed these chavs 1) to get in the right mess that they did in the first place, but more importantly 2) to talk about this mess on national TV and be exposed to the humiliation of public scorn. You can rest assured that – if one day I had to take a DNA test – I could think of at least 1,000 places to find out the result better than a TV studio.

Most guests on this show seem to have quite a few things in common: a) a total aversion to that elusive 4-syllable word – contraception; b) a rather incredible ability to switch swiftly from one partner to the next one, failing to implement the simple action described in point a) just above, hence the high frequency of said DNA tests to find out the identity of the newborn’s father; c) the disgracefully high fake jewellery per square inch of skin ratio – in fact high enough to make a passing ship lose track of the magnetic North.

Who is to blame for this fine mess? Well, the buck stops with this pondlife in my view. You don’t have to have studied at Oxbridge to know that if you don’t use contraception then you may have an unexpected (?!?!) surprise in 9 months’ time. If these chavs learnt this horrible 6-syllable word (‘responsibility’) and some of these trollops spent a bit less time with their legs firmly up in the air, then they would probably get some of my sympathy. Until then, if you are looking for some of it from me, you’d better look in the dictionary – it’s somewhere between ‘stench’ and ‘syphilis’.

Saturday, 11 April 2009

Italian earthquake - history repeats itself

The tragic earthquake that hit the Abruzzo region in central Italy is nothing new unfortunately. Italy is a seismic territory and earthquakes are a regular occurrence. Within the last 40 years or so, Italy experienced on average one major earthquake every ten years. In view of this dangerous predisposition, you would think that new buildings in L’Aquila (the main town affected by last week’s quake) were built using anti-seismic techniques, right? Nope. Have a look at the recently opened hospital. I hear that it’s been extensively damaged. A hospital should be one of the safest places in town – the whole thing would be laughable if it didn’t make me so angry.

As Italians have a penchant for not learning from past mistakes in similarly tragic circumstances, you don’t have to be Nostradamus to predict that once all the 300 poor victims have been buried and the 40,000 people who lost their homes have been re-housed in some temporary accommodation, the problems of the local population will be swept under the carpet.

All those promises of quick reconstruction and redevelopment of the affected area will be just that – promises and nothing else. I believe that some survivors of the 1968 earthquake in the Belice valley in Sicily still live in temporary accommodation, 41 years later. That doesn’t bode well for the hopes of people in L’Aquila, does it?

Far too much money – taxpayers money just to be clear – will be wasted. A lethal mix of corruption, incompetence and inefficiency will lead to many unfinished buildings and roads. Hospitals will still be built using beach sand, rather than earthquake-resistant materials and techniques.

Central government politicians will visit Abruzzo only in the run-up to an election, promising to quickly solve the problems caused by the earthquake. In the last week they have been rushing to be in front of the cameras as soon as they step off their helicopters. Silvio Berluscummy & Co. were all there yesterday for the victims’ funerals... but where will they be in 2-3 months’ time? And that goes for locally elected MPs as well. They already got the votes that they needed, why should they waste their precious time in the constituencies that made them MPs in the first place?

The Pope will also visit Abruzzo of course and undoubtedly he will pray for this God-forsaken land. Ok, strictly speaking he may not actually use the words ‘God-forsaken’ as it might upset the Big Boss up there... but you get the gist. Anyway, lots and lots of prayers from the Holy One... and very little money. Very, very little if we consider the absurd wealth of the Vatican State. As usual, expect lots of coverage in the Italian media about this mind-boggling absurdity (NOT).

I don’t have a crystal ball and I am not the next Nostradamus, however it’s become relatively easy to predict the aftermath of catastrophes like these. The established, shameful record is there for everyone to see. If you have become cynical like me, you just know that Italian history most certainly repeats itself.

Thursday, 9 April 2009

iPhone - Facebook application

Having Facebook as a (free) application on the iPhone is a great thing. Many commutes have been made less tedious thanks to that little precious white f on a blue background. Several minicab rides have been spared as - if it wasn't for FB - I probably would have fallen asleep in a drunken stupor and ended up in Shepperton or, God forbid, Southampton no doubt.

Anyway one feature that this mobile version of Facebook could certainly benefit from is the Search function. It's all very good to have the News Feed (good to know that you're going carp fishing this weekend Paul) as well as the Notifications (thanks for telling me that Sarah, Chantelle and 5 other similarly loose women live in my area, I'll bear that in mind), however I personally feel that there is no better time to look for old university mates or colleagues than when you are on a boring train journey.

Don't get me wrong, I really like my iPhone and wouldn't swap it for any of my previous mobile phones but I await with bated breath the release of the next version of the iPhone. Forget more frequent trains or lower train fares.... the Search function on iPhone Facebook is what the commuting punters really want!!

Wednesday, 8 April 2009

Champions League preview

Liverpool v Chelsea
Liverpool are never an easy proposition these days, particularly at Anfield, even for the likes of Chelsea.
And the Scousers also have a penchant for injury-time winners, which go down incredibly well (not) with yours truly.
Personally I fear the Torres / Gerrard combo,as they have the ability to create problems for any defence.
Said that, Chelse now are a much better outfit than the badly-assorted motley crew that made the trip up there earlier in the season, when Chelsea lost 2-0 without putting up a fight.
I'd bite their hand off if they offered me a 0-0 draw at Anfield - needless to say, a 1-1 would be good enough to make me do cartwheels in the street. At the Hanger Lane gyratory. At rush hour.
Prediction: heart says 1-1, head says 'shut up you fool'.

Barcelona v Bayern
what? Two non-English teams in the QF?? What's that all about?!?
Actually this could be a gem of a match. Both teams love to go forward, and they can turn on the style big time, however they are less than impeccable at the rear so this encounter could easily end up 3-3 or 4-4. Definitely looking forward to seeing how Bayern will cope with the combined threat of Messi and Henry. Although a 4-all draw would be an absolute treat, more realistically I think that Barcelona will get a precious home win as they may have just too much quality for Bayern.
Prediction: 3-1

Tuesday, 7 April 2009

Well said Parky

After the hugely hypocritical surge of Jade-mania that swept Britain, it took a veteran like Michael Parkinson to restore some sanity.
"When we clear the media smokescreen from around her death, what we're left with is a woman who came to represent all that's paltry and wretched about Britain today".
Too right Parky, you tell them. It still baffles me that some of the worst kind of tabloids (is there a good kind anyway??) still use Jade to fill their front pages.
"Her death is as sad as the death of any young person but it's not the passing of a martyr or a saint or, God help us, Princess Di".
Spot on again. The only tragedy here is that two young boys are left without their mum, end of story. Sadly for them, their mum was a despicable character, that exploited the media to her advantage and was thoroughly exploited back by them.

Champions League preview

Man Utd v Porto:
As much as I'd love to see a surprise here, I think the Dirty Mancs are just too strong (and too lucky of course) to go out at this stage.
I know that it was earlier in the season but this is the same Porto side that lost 4-0 to Arsenal. Porto just managed to get past mighty Atletico Madrid in the previous round, thanks to the away-goal rule.
Here is to a few yellow/red cards and some injuries for the team in red.
Prediction: 2-0

Villarreal v Arsenal:
when the quarter-finals draw was made, many experts considered this tie to be a bye to the semifinals for Villarreal. My head (as well as my heart) says that things could be quite different. As the Dirty Mancs saw in the group stage, the Spaniards can be very difficult to break down.
I just can't see many goals in this match as both teams can shut down shop if/when they want to. Villarreal may not be too disappointed to get a goalless draw in the first leg. Come on you Yellows.
Prediction: 0-0

Monday, 6 April 2009

Pint of bitter for Ken

In today's London Paper, London's old mayor Ken (The Red) Livingstone uses his monthly column to throw some mud at Boris Johnson. Nothing new there. After all Bozza stole Ken's job. To be more precise, it was Ken that lost it to Bozza, considering that London is traditionally Labour (well done, Ken, that's no mean feat) but anyway I won't digress.
As I was saying, Ken is perfectly entitled to throw some mud at his political opponent. Alas today, using the G20 chaos as an excuse, he does it rather gratuitously.
I quote: "The G20 summit should never have been held in London. On top of the £10 policing bill, the scale of disruption and inconvenience to millions of Londoners(....) meant the G20 cost the capital well over £100m. As Mayor I always urged the Government to avoid bringing the G8 or the WTO to London because, as you draw police in from the suburbs to cope with the demonstrations, you get a sharp spike in the crime rate in outer London".
Ken, let me tell you a few things:
1) where was the Government mean to hold this summit? Birmingham?? Manchester??? Glasgow???? Don't make me laugh. For a start, anti-globalisation demonstrators would turn up anyway and anywhere and you just can't unload your problem onto some other city. What makes you think that the mayor of Manchester can't lobby the Government better than you??
2) if you refuse to hold a summit of such importance because of a few soap-dodging treehuggers, then I don't think that you were ever eligible to be Mayor of London in the first place. If these troublemakers threaten to smash the City to pieces, what do you do? Give in to them?!? Are you for real?
3) as a capital city, London has to have the privilege as well as the duty to host these summits.
Last but not least, as Brown is desperately trying to save his political future by arranging a top-notch summit in London, do you seriously think that he would listen to a political opponent (Bozza) saying "Look, Gordon, we may have a problem with this Leftie demonstrators. Would you mind buggering off to Birmingham / Manchester / Glasgow instead??".
Planet Earth to Ken.... Planet Earth to Ken....

Miracle on the Tyne? I don't think so

First things first.... I don't like Shearer. He was a dirty bugger as a player and (more often that not) got away with murder.
Anyway now he's embarked on the unlikely mission of saving NUFC from relegation. It's pretty obvious to me that the guy ain't stupid, hence his statement last week: "I'm here for 8 games and 8 games only". Well, it's a win-win situation for him, innit?
If he pulls it off, then he's the Messiah - if he doesn't... well, it's not his fault is it, NUFC were in the proverbial already, what could he do etc... etc....

My opinion? Geordies for the drop. Most (if not all) of their players don't seem to have realised that there is no such thing as being too good to go down.
For a start, the aforesaid motto does not apply to them as they aren't very good at all and the table doesn't lie - not after 31 league games anyway. Secondly, Shearer may have the passion (there's no denying that) but in moments like this, I'd rather have a manager with experience and a cool head.
See you at Loftus Road next season, all of you lovely Magpies.

Sunday, 5 April 2009

Liberta' di stampa

L’associazione dei giornalisti tedeschi (DJV) conferisce il premio per la libertà di stampa a Marco Travaglio
http://italiadallestero.info/archives/3612
http://www.djv.de/SingleNews.20+M5cfc369224d.0.html

Libertà di stampa

I sette membri del consiglio direttivo federale della DJV, l’associazione dei giornalisti tedeschi, quest’anno hanno assegnato il premio per la libertà di stampa al giornalista e autore italiano Marco Travaglio.

Michael Konken, presidente federale della DJV, ha motivato la decisione dichiarando: “Assegnamo il premio a Marco Travaglio, un collega che si è contraddistinto per il coraggio critico e l’impegno dimostrato nel combattere per la libertà di stampa in Italia.”

Travaglio ha saputo denunciare pubblicamente i tentativi dei politici italiani, in particolare di Silvio Berlusconi, di influenzare il lavoro dei media e di ostacolare lo sviluppo di un giornalismo critico. Le critiche di Travaglio si sono orientate anche ai colleghi italiani con lo scopo di incoraggiarli a non sottomettersi alla censura. “Il premio della DJV per la libertà di stampa è il riconoscimento più adatto a Marco Travaglio,” ha dichiarato Konken. “Travaglio deve dare coraggio ai giornalisti italiani affinché possano svolgere la loro funzione di vigilanza e non cadano vittima di intimidazioni”.

Il premio della DJV per la libertà di stampa consiste in 7.500 Euro e sarà conferito a Marco Travaglio a Berlino alle 18:30 del 28 aprile 2009 presso il Palazzo della Bundespressekonferenz (ufficio stampa federale). I rappresentanti dei media sono invitati a partecipare alla cerimonia.

Con questo premio la DJV onora personalità o istituzioni che si impegnano in prima persona in battaglie per il mantenimento e la creazione della libertà di stampa. I precedenti vincitori sono stati il giornalista serbo Miroslav Filipovic, la giornalista russa Olga Kitowa e la redazione del giornale “Berliner Zeitung”. Filipovic ha ricevuto il premio per aver scoperto i crimini di guerra serbi in Kosovo, Kitowa è stata premiata per la sua difficile battaglia contro la corruzione in Russia e la redazione del “Berliner Zeitung” per l’impegno dimostrato nel difendere la libertà di stampa in Germania e l’indipendenza editoriale da Mecom Group, la casa editrice che l’ha rilevata.

Champions League - same old, same old?

This week it's Champions League time again.
If I was a neutral spectator (and I am not), I would not hesitate to say that it's getting a bit boring. Pretty much the same teams get to the quarter finals year after year.
If it continues this way, it won't be long before football fans will start getting bored, vote with their remote controls and watch The Apprentice instead.
What can be done? Should something be done?
A salary cap is very difficult to enforce and even more difficult to monitor.
I may go to Scotland (pardon, hell) for saying this but on this particular issue I may have to agree with Messers Blatter and Platini for suggesting a 6+5 solution.

Il pesce puzza dalla testa... anche quando partorisce

Roma - Bologna 2-1
Una Roma che fatica sette camicie per battere (in casa) una squadra sull'orlo della zona retrocessione.
Le possibilita' di qualificarci per la Champions League ci sono ancora ma adesso abbiamo una partita di meno mentre i punti di distacco dal Genoa restano invariati.
E' fin troppo evidente che ormai questa squadra (con questo organico) piu' di tanto non puo' dare.
E' altrettanto evidente che finche' ci sara' una Curva Sud al soldo del padrone - la Santa Alleanza tra Rosella e Spadino e' sotto gli occhi di tutti - faremo ben pochi progressi a livello di tifoseria.
E' triste constatare che quando gli ultras cantano "Rosella Sensi bla bla bla" e si beccano i fischi... allora siamo veramente al buio piu' completo.
Ad maiora.

The Damned United

Watched the Cloughie movie yesterday.
Pretty good I have to say, which is rather unusual for a movie on football.
I know it's a comment used far too often however "it's not as good as the book". Personally I think that Clough's hatred of Leeds wasn't portrayed as well as it was in the book. Also there are some bits in the movie (for example: the rather eventful interview in the Yorkshire TV studio with Don Revie) which are not mentioned at all in the book.
I am aware that the Clough family aren't keen on this movie at all so it remains to be seen whether the movie gives a real picture of Old Big Head or not.
Nonetheless it is a very enjoyable movie, possibly even for non-football fans. The reconstruction of England in the Seventies is quite fascinating, with its crappy stadia (particularly Baseball Ground in Derby), its boardrooms full of smoke and flamboyant haircuts.