Angels & Demons

We went to watch the much-hyped ‘Angels and Demons’ yesterday.
It goes almost without saying that all the critics panned it, which probably was in itself a good enough reason to go to the cinema and watch this movie.
As I hadn’t read the book by Dan Brown, I didn’t have any yardstick to judge this movie by and I can honestly say that I enjoyed it. There are enough twists in the plot to keep you interested for the whole 140 minutes of it.
There are some very nice shots of Rome, going beyond the predictable (that’s lots of churches for you) and some seriously fast driving (even by Roman standards) right in the middle of the city. The movie will probably bring one or two more tourists to Rome... as if there weren’t enough of the fcukers anyway.
Personally I could find only one or two unlikely moments in the movie. The first is when Ewan McGregor (impersonating a Catholic priest who was very close to the dead Pontiff) saves Vatican City and all the cardinals from destruction by grabbing the lethal device that’s going to explode in 3 minutes, taking off in a helicopter and flying it as high as possible and parachuting himself to safety onto St. Peter’s Square just before the device goes off in the empty, pilot-less helicopter hovering above Rome. Come on!! A priest piloting a chopper..?!? Even the most gullible among you will have to admit that it is incredibly unusual, virtually bordering on the impossible.
The second improbable moment is when McGregor find himself only a few steps away from being chosen as the new Pope. You don’t have to be a devout Catholic to realise that this event is certainly as far-fetched as the election of an extreme reactionary, backward, Nazi sympathiser as the new Pontiff. And we all know that this would never happen in reality of course.

Now this is what I call....

....a bloody good idea!!!

This is just so unfair.... why did I not have this idea first??!?

And I am Italian - I was virtually born with a flippin cornetto in my hand...:(

Hhhhhmmmm...... now where can I export this concept to??

Watch this space, my friends!

(Article courtesy of the Daily Telegraph)

A pair of enterprising British brothers believe they have found a niche in Dubai's burgeoning market – by importing the concept of the ice cream van to the Middle East.

Dan and Nathen Furlong launched their business venture after visiting their expatriate parents in the emirate and wondering why nobody was offering refreshments in the sweltering desert heat.
Establishing what they claim is Dubai's first ice cream van, they believed that they would be providing the 150,000-strong British community with a reminder of home.

However, their firm is now expanding rapidly from their initial single van as their cool treats seem to be going down just as well with the local population.
A cone or lolly comes as a welcome respite to local children, who play in temperatures which can often exceed 113F (45C).
The brothers, from South Woodham Ferrers, near Chelmsford, launched the Desert Chill business a few months ago and their ice creams are imported by a local supplier.
The company now has three brightly-coloured vans with its logo – a camel eating ice cream – emblazoned on the side.
Initially, the pair worked seven-day weeks, driving the vans and serving customers themselves, to get the business off the ground.
But they have now employed two drivers and have ambitious expansion plans.
They intend to launch in Abu Dhabi next month and then branch out into the rest of the Middle East.
Dan, 26, said: "The expats all say this reminds them of their childhood. You rarely see gangs of children playing in the streets in the UK any more but you do here."
He added that the van is even starting to bring together the different nationalities which make up the country, providing them with a meeting place.
Nathen, 25, said the pair were nervous about starting up a new business when the recession began because many Britons in Dubai were losing their jobs and returning home.

Tube Map

Memo to myself:
when you get a bit sozzled (like last night), remember that the Northern line has 2 branches and only one of them goes to Waterloo. So if you want to avoid wasting your time, have a look at this map before getting on any southbound train or you may end up somewhere else. You dopey git.

The Apprentice - Week 9

As Sir Alan doesn't like cocky, arrogant people (rather ironic that!! Ever heard of pots and black kettles?!?), I was surprised, almost outraged that Ben was still gracing our TV screens with his nasty presence. Thankfully that anomaly was remedied last night when Sir Alan gave Ben his marching orders. What exactly has been your contribution so far?? Ben was asked and his reply was the usual amount of waffle. However there was very little substance which meant that James and Debra went back to the house whilst our wee man from Belfast is now free to pursue to his Sandhurst career where (you heard it here first) he got a scholarship.

Mind you, Ben's bravado and cockiness made him (or his TV persona??) so odious that - if he actually goes to Sandhurst - he's going to get the mother of all bogwashes. In the studio with Adrian Chiles later, Ben cracked up a lot, which in my humble opinion means one of two things: either he can take defeat quite gracefully (hhhhmmmm.....) or he was just like the school boy that wanted to compete with adults and eventually came unstuck. It was great fun for him but... hey, he was the first one to know that he was punching well above his weight.

In this week's episode, Ben and Debra were responsible for losing their team's task. Debra was adamant that the rocking horse would win them the task. Who in their right mind would pay 17 hundred sheets for a hand-made rocking horse?? I am not saying that no-one buys them but the ideal customer that I'm thinking of usually tends to have from 4 to 7 wives, wears long, white robes and probably does his shopping in Harrods, not Earls bloody Court. Did you see any of these characters last night?? Well, neither did I.

Other highlights of the week?? Well, how about Lorraine almost succeeding in singlehandedly destroying the collapsible buggy that she's trying to sell?? Don't expect her to land a prime time slot on QVC anytime soon. James and Lorraine were picked as Team Leaders as both are parents so theoretically they were meant to know what they were doing (hhhmmmm..... ). I was almost shocked when I heard that she is the mother of two kids. Single ladies, spinsters, aspiring mums.... the subliminal message here is that there is hope for every one of you. And I mean E-V-E-R-Y-O-N-E.

Desperately Seeking Publicity

OK, so Peter Andre and Katie Price (aka Jordan) are to get divorced. It goes without saying that the only people that I feel sorry for are their children. I'm sorry for them not only because they will grow up without the support of a proper family, but primarily because they have two vain numbskulls as parents.
Why do I dislike this celebrity couple?? Well, how long have you got?!?!! Because they are the worst kind of publicity seekers.... as if there was a good kind anyway. They are the King and Queen of chavs, make no mistake about it.

Since their meeting in the ITV reality show "I'm A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here" back in 2004, they have hardly been out of the limelight.
First we had the wedding in Sep. 2005, ie. roughly one year after they first got together. The only place where I have seen people getting married sooner than they did is in Eastenders, which is hardly a valid yardstick for assessing the solidity of any relationship. They may as well have had the wedding reception in the Queen Vic to be honest with you. This wedding as you may remember (unfortunately I do) was a rather understated affair as the bride wore a pink Cinderella-style wedding complete with horse drawn carriages while Girls Aloud's Sarah Harding and fellow reality TV star Kerry Katona were bridesmaids. The epitome of class, if you ask me.

Along with the wedding, comes the obligatory deal with Harper's Bazaar to sell the exclusive rights to the wedding photos. Ok, probably it wasn't Harper's Bazaar but it must have been some similar, highly reputable magazine. These days it seems that celebrity weddings and photoshoot exclusive deals go hand in hand, a bit like Laurel & Hardy, Ant & Dec, Gordon & YouTube etc....

And after the wedding, obviously we have the celebrity sprogs, two of them to be precise. And how are these joyous events to be celebrated? Wait for it..... well, with the umpteenth exclusive photo deals with the Peckham Comet (or something like that) of course. The youngest child, a girl, is called Princess Tiaamii. Now I challenge you to scour all the council estates of South London and ask all the mums what name they have given to their sprogs but I bet you £100 that you won't find anyone with a more chavvy name than Princess Tiaamii. If you think the job is too big, then you are allowed to ask this question only to all those mums who are in a stable relationship. This should considerably cut down the size of your task.

Despite all the heart-breaking statements from this couple that we have read over the last few days ("I love Pete so much" etc...; on the other hand Katie for once did not release any statements), I cannot help feeling that this is not the end of it. What are the odds on them making a Lazarus-like comeback?? "Love is blossoming again bla bla bla...", "We are now having quintuplets bla bla bla...", "I am having 3 new boobs implanted to breastfeed them all bla bla bla..." - I can already picture their stupid mugs plastered all over the front covers. It's all in such a bad taste that I'm quite surprised that Max Clifford hasn't reared his ugly head yet.

Britain's Bankers: Still Cashing In

Watched Dispatches on Channel 4 last night - this episode was called "Britain's Bankers: Still Cashing In". It was a rather interesting investigation into the financial rewards given to Britain's top bankers, particularly to those whose banks had to be bailed out by the Government (with our money). They also tried to to break down the complex pay packets of these former leading bankers.
It really made my blood boil. For a start, most of these incompetent bastards have failed to apologise for the mess that they have created; secondly their remuneration package is way out order. How can you pay a top executive hundreds of thousands of pounds and not make them accountable for their actions? However the icing on the cake was the revelation that all these greedy so-and-so's are still raking it in, thanks to over-generous pension pots.
I am incredibly annoyed by all this because our remunerations are performance-related, however these top bankers can cause all this damage but they won't be punished financially in any way.
Why can't we reclaim some of their wages back? Surely they can't have spent all this money already. Let's get some of this money back, I say - certainly it wouldn't be enough to cover the public deficit that the taxpayer is now looking at but probably it would go some way towards diminishing Joe Public's anger against the financial services sector in general.
And why can't we take away their pension packages? We can't because apparently "the Government said that it's up to these banks to withdraw these benefits". Hang on a minute!!!! And who exactly is these banks' majority shareholder??? It's the Government itself!!! So effectively the Government (as majority shareholder) could scrap these pension packages... but just won't. And why won't they? Because they're spineless? Or because traditionally there is a considerable amount of back-scratching going on between these top bankers and the Government?? Or because Scottish dog doesn't eat Scottish dog?!?!
Getting outraged like I did if you watched this programme is not a matter of being a die-hard commie, or anything as terrible as that. It's a matter of common sense and decency, something that this Government seems to have lost a long time ago.

We're going to Corporate Central, Que Sera Sera...

Courtesy of my mate Woodsy (a lifelong Cambridge Utd. supporter), I went to Wembley yesterday to watch the Blue Square Premier play-off final between Cambridge Utd. and Torquay Utd.
Originally Woodsy had got me two ordinary tickets for the Cambridge end, however when he offered me an upgrade to the corporate box, I quickly accepted it, more out of curiosity than anything else. I was curious to see the new Wembley as well as the posh bit of it, where the rich hobnob with the famous (and viceversa) whilst there is a stupid football match going on.
As a football fan, the experience was rather disappointing. And no.... that's not because my oysters were from Brittany, rather than from Ireland. I was disappointed to see how the beautiful game has sold its soul to the corporate devil. The boxes are very plush and cosy, the corridors have nice soft carpets, ushers everywhere, which is all very nice if it was an exclusive clinic or a boutique 6-star hotel..... but can someone please tell me what that has got to do with football? I was quite disappointed to find that there was no attendant to give me a lavender-scented towel to dry my hands in the toilet.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I'm sad to report that Wembley's corporate area employs a disordinate amount of jobsworths, whose only preoccupation is to spoil everyone's enjoyment. So now I know that you can't even have a cup of coffee when the match has re-started after the interval. How cheeky of my girlfriend to remonstrate that she didn't want any alcohol, just some black coffee. And don't you dare drink alcohol in your corporate box room when the teams are on the pitch. If you want to keep drinking booze, then the blinds will have to come down. No.... seriously.
The stadium in itself looks beautiful and is impressive both from the outside and the inside. However I have now learnt my lesson - I just don't belong in the corporate area.